i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
