Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.â€
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