dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
