just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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