Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just gift wrapped bread.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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