I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
