You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize