walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize