Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
