I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
