I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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