well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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