I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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