The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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