I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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