Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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