So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
