Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
