I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
