They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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