p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
