This is not my ceiling
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Randomize
