I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
