I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
