I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
