4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
