Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
