I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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