If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize