Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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