just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
