I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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