I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Who did Billy Mays play for?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
