he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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