We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
