There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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