Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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