I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize