i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize