new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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