that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
