Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
