i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
