mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
