You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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