One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
