he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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