Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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