im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
