i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The air was thick with penises
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
