I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize