I am spending my child support on dildos
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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