im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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