i wish my penis had a tongue
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
