I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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