FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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