Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
