So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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