i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
