he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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