Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
