He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
