that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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