Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
