Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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