I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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