Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
