you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
