And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
