4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He did a backflip because drugs
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
