So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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