So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
