Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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