oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
