I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize