Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
