nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
