pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
