I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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