somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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