when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
