U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
birth control should be required to get into college
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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