Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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