He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
