Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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