i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
