You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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