no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
