forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
