i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize