We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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