So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
