I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
