I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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