totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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