made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
