do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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