Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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