How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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