your room smells of hookers.
And success
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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