So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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