I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
