well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
