Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
