If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
