drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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