i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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