i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
this beer tastes like vomit already
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize